Tonight was a travesty.
Barcelona are the most enterprising, attacking, original, inspiring team in world football. They play brilliant tiki-taka, they overwhelm you with individual talent and they dissect you with a Lionel Messi shaped team scalpel. You cannot stop them.
Until tonight. Chelsea became the first team to keep a clean sheet at the Nou Camp this season.
Great.
Did Jon Obi Mikel play?
I couldn’t have watched that turgid peice of shit game if it were cut with a Jenna Jameson porno. I would have had more fun slicing out my own eyeballs with used IV needles than being attentive before ITV. My gran would have posed more goal threat than Bojan. She is dead.
Cue the rampant cockney, dancing down the streets of Camden shouting CHELS! COME ON CHELS! He is clueless. He thinks his team have just pulled off one of the most professional and disciplined performances in European history.
Great. Fucking great. Cook me popcorn and forcefeed me beer.
I call it negative.
I call it a waste of time, breath, and time.
Where are Liverpool when you need them?