Entries Tagged 'Chelsea' ↓

Depending on who you are, you blame somebody different for the Terrygate affair.

Most people blame John Terry, who, oblivious to his role as captain and devoid of loyalty to his team-mate, jumped into bed with Vanessa Perroncel without a moments thought for his ex-friend, Wayne Bridge. Continue reading →

Rejoice, fat man with pie and pint, you will soon be able to buy your favourite FA Barclays Premiership CorporoTeams brand new kit, just in time for you to get barbeque grease all over the part that sits on top of your gut! Continue reading →

Tonight was a travesty.

Barcelona are the most enterprising, attacking, original, inspiring team in world football. They play brilliant tiki-taka, they overwhelm you with individual talent and they dissect you with a Lionel Messi shaped team scalpel. You cannot stop them.

Until tonight. Chelsea became the first team to keep a clean sheet at the Nou Camp this season.

Great.

Did Jon Obi Mikel play?

I couldn’t have watched that turgid peice of shit game if it were cut with a Jenna Jameson porno. I would have had more fun slicing out my own eyeballs with used IV needles than being attentive before ITV. My gran would have posed more goal threat than Bojan. She is dead.

Cue the rampant cockney, dancing down the streets of Camden shouting CHELS! COME ON CHELS! He is clueless. He thinks his team have just pulled off one of the most professional and disciplined performances in European history.

Great. Fucking great. Cook me popcorn and forcefeed me beer.

I call it negative.

I call it a waste of time, breath, and time.

Where are Liverpool when you need them?

You know when you’re juggling a football, and you go for the big finish and screw up totally, and you have no idea how to save yourself from looking like a complete and utter dick?

Ronaldo knows how…

I won’t forget that one for a long time. I think we’re all still rubbing our eyes, in disbelief that the game we saw last night was real. Free-flowing, thrilling and chock full of goals, the game was more befitting a PlayStation session than a nervy European night. To me, there is one very obvious reason why.

Defensive Midfielders. Lack of.

Continue reading →